Meteora

For the first time in this series, I’m covering a band for the second time. The band, of course, is Linkin Park. As I mentioned before when discussing the album “Hybrid Theory”, this band was such an important part of my formative teenage years; the loss of Chester Bennington still has great impact on me. It should be no surprise that the band’s second album “Meteora” would also qualify as one of my favorite albums.

The album was released in March of 2003. At this point in time, I’ve graduated high school, started (and would shortly drop out of) culinary school, and was working at a local retail store overnight as part of their cleaning crew. I was still at home, but we had just moved into our first actual house with a quint front yard and sizable backyard - plenty of space for hangouts with friends. Speaking of friends, I was also nearly two years into my longest relationship up to that point.

Life, generally speaking, was pretty good.

Then comes Meteora. It’s still fits into that nu-metal category, but the music is somehow, for lack of a better word/phrase, lighter. Take the “Foreward”, Track 1. A thunder-like boom opens the track/album followed by the sound of water falling, but maybe not exactly rain but also not NOT rain, which is followed by the what sounds like a hammer hitting steel, progressively faster until glass breaks and we just into the first song, “Don’t Stay”.

Sometimes, I need to remember just to breathe
Sometimes, I need you to stay away from me
Sometimes, I'm in disbelief, I didn't know
Somehow, I need you to go

The song starts with the electric guitar and record-scratching to remind you of what the sound of Linkin Park is and that this album is going to deliver on expectations.

The lyrics sounds like the recognition of a toxic person and demanding that they “give me myself back and don’t stay”. The delivery of the first line above is sung in Chester’s mellow voice and as he delivers the second half of the second line, Chester’s familiar scream puts the point on the fact that the person he’s ‘speaking to’ need to NOT be there.

This is further highlighted with the bridge:

I don't need you anymore
I don't want to be ignored
I don't need one more day
Of you wasting me away
I don't need you anymore
I don't want to be ignored
I don't need one more day
Of you wasting me away
(With no apologies)

The last line “with no apologies” hits the hardest. The idea that someone is bad for you, almost knowingly, and they aren’t either sorry for the damage done, ties the either message together, clarifying why they need to not stay.
While life was good for me at the time, The music of Linkin Park forces you to feel what they feel and you can instantly commiserate with them. I felt that then, and as with Hybrid Theory, it’s hit different, upon reflection, since Chester’s passing.

While I didn’t personally connect with the message of “Don’t Stay”, that is not the case with “Somewhere I Belong”. Like I said earlier, at this point in my life, things were good, but there were also uncertain. I would be quitting college in April of 2003 and now that I’m not training to be a chef, I didn’t know what direction my life was suppose to be going in. I was also looking for “somewhere I belonged”.

(When this began) I had nothin' to say
And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me
(I was confused) And I let it all out to find
That I'm not the only person with these things in mind
(Inside of me) But all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel
(Nothing to lose) Just stuck, hollow, and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

The idea of feeling lost in your life and the reasons all come back to you - that was REAL! High school was over and adulthood has officially begun. I’m no longer in college like my friends were and I’m working a job that I KNOW won’t be my future. What future do I have? Having nothing to lose because I had nothing to begin with. I genuinely felt “just stuck, hallow, and alone”.

Second verse contains even more truth:

And I've got nothin' to say
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face
(I was confused) Lookin' everywhere only to find
That it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
(So what am I?) What do I have but negativity?
'Cause I can't justify the way everyone is lookin' at me
(Nothing to lose) Nothin' to gain, hollow, and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

To live with the expectations of either “The Oldest Child” or the “Golden Child” only to graduate from an average high school and drop out of college, the “’Cause I can’t justify the way everyone is lookin’ at me” line struck a cord. I felt every syllable of that line.

Again, Chester with the bridge of the song to the rescue:

I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel anything else until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything 'til I break away from me
I will break away, I'll find myself today

The problem was me. Not in the sense that I was a bad person or a failure, but that I was living by a standard placed on me by others. I had to break away from the “me” I thought I was and find the “me” I truly am; the version of myself that I wanted to be. Only I could do that. Only I was responsible for me healing.
Only I could truly save me and give myself somewhere I belong.

“You!”

Some songs are just fun. “Lying From You” is just fun for me to sing. You hear the lyrics and you can probably relate in the way I described before with “Don’t Stay”, but this is otherwise just a fun song to sing/yell.

“I won’t be ignored!”

The whole album has a low-key hype vibe (listen to it and I think that should describe it well enough), but “Faint” is more than just a faster paced song. I don’t know if this is common or not, but more often than not, I fell like I was the perfect person for someone, but more accurately, I had the answer for someone who was going through something. I was their answer or their way out. I wasn’t as bold as I am now (and even now I’m not always as bold as I should be) and the lyrics to this song match(ed) me well.

I am a little bit of loneliness
A little bit of disregard
Handful of complaints, but I can't help the fact
That everyone can see these scars
I am what I want you to want
What I want you to feel
But it's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you
To just believe this is real

So I let go, watchin' you
Turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here 'cause you're all that I've got

To bare the pain cause by someone you care for and stay through the pain before they’re all that you’ve got. To have that person intentionally and active disregard you and your concern (or in some cases, disregard your care for them because you’re not someone else). Sometimes, all you can do is yell at them, but more likely to yourself in an empty room, “Don’t turn your back on me! I won’t be ignored!”

Sidenote: If you DO relate to that, you can do be all by yourself. If this person isn’t good for you, they’re bad for you. Break Away (see this album, track 2).

“I’m breaking the habit tonight!”

As much as I have discussed how this album impacted me at the time of purchase/release, there is something to say about the album impacted me over time. The album is, at its most basic, a collection of really good music, justifying the millions (and millions) of times I’ve listened to it, including right now as I’m writing this.

Over time, songs like “Breaking The Habit” hard different. This isn’t associated with Bennington’s death, like other retrospectives, but more so just how a song that is just “a good song” can figuratively ring truer later.

Memories consume like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume I'm safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again

I don't want to be the one the battles always choose
'Cause inside, I realize that I'm the one confused

Similarly to when I reflect on “Somewhere I Belong”, there is a period of healing that comes to mind. There were still internal “scars” from my teenage years and there had to be many periods of self-healing in my life. Seeing yourself fall into cycles is painful. At some point you have to break your bad habits, and by “bad” and I self-damaging. A lot of my struggles were/are internal; it’s me vs me. People close to me may feel like, because things around me are ‘good’ or ‘better’ then I must be ‘good’ or ‘better’.

This is oftentimes not true.

As the chorus states:

I don't know what's worth fighting for or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate and say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way, I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight

When one realizes they are the problem, this is the mindset. This is also the solution. You recognize the habits and break them. We all need a reminder sometimes.

Linkin Park, and music in general, have helped me through a LOT. If you haven’t quite made it through just yet and you need help, get help - people DO care. You can contact the National Suicide Hotline at 800-273-8255 or text 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Hotline.

Call to you so clearly
But you don't want to hear me
Told you everything loud and clear
But nobody's listening

Now, you want a true-to-life hype track? Then “Nobody’s Listening” is THE track for you, particularly on this album.

See, there are TWO leads in Linkin Park, the aforementioned Chester Bennington and Mike Shinoda, aka Fort Minor (of “Remember the Name” fame). If you’ve heard “Remember the Name” or literally any Linkin Park track, you’re already aware of the “rap/hip hop guy” - that’s Mike. So far in this album, most tracks are led by Chester. This track, with its full drum kit and Japanese flute sound, is led by Mike.

Yo, peep the style and the kids checkin' for it
The number one question is "How could you ignore it?"
We drop right back in the cut over basement tracks
With raps that got you backin' this up like "Rewind that"
We're just rollin' with the rhythm
Rise from the ashes of stylistic division
With these non-stop lyrics of life livin'
Not to be forgotten but still unforgiven
But in the meantime, there are those
Who wanna talk this and that, so I suppose
That it gets to a point where feelings gotta get hurt
And get dirty with the people spreadin' the dirt, it goes…

Seems pretty clear that this track highlights how popular Linkin Park is and how people really rock with them, “but in the meantime, there are those who wanna talk this and that” and this song is for them.

Later in the song, Mike talks about all the struggles…

I got a heart full of pain, head full of stress
Handful of anger held in my chest
And everything left's a waste of time
I hate my rhymes but hate everyone else's more
I'm ridin' on the back of this pressure
Guessin' that it's better I can't keep myself together
Because all of this stress gave me somethin' to write on
The pain gave me somethin' I could set my sights on
You never forget the blood, sweat, and tears
The uphill struggle over years, the fear
And trash-talkin' and the people it was to
And the people that started it, just like you

…and how that motivates him to keep going.

Inspiration mixed inside an absolute banger of a song - I need EVERYONE listening to “Nobody’s Listening”.

The two tracks left - “Sessions” and “Numb” are dope but one is a DJ track (much much better than the one on “Hybrid Theory”) and the other is likely the most known track from this album so no need to really dig into it.

And with that, I end this essay about “Meteora”. This excellent album solidified Linkin Park as one of my favorite band to listen to, one of my favorite bands to see live (though at the time of this writing, Linkin Park has a new singer to fill in, though never replace, Chester, so I need to see Linkin Park again), leading this to be one of my favorite albums.