Cocaine Bear

“Based on a true story” never sounded so ridiculous. A bear high on cocaine murders people in a forest.

Okay, let’s go!

It took me a bit to score this one because the movie is so W.T.F. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it at the end. After some time and much thought, I gave Cocaine Bear a 9. I know, surprised me too! Let’s get into why.

Originality: It’s loosely based on an event that took place with a bear coming in contact with cocaine that was dropped from a plane. It’s a creative “re-telling” of this story in such a manner that there’s no way it can be anything less than 2 points.
Originality: 2 points

Characters: This is where they lost me a little. The movie is a horror comedy so I expected there to be some craziness and for characters to do “the wrong thing” or “go down the clearly wrong door” or whatever, but I didn’t like this array of characters, placed and designed for the comedy. So who do we got?

We have the drug runner who jumped from the plane in the first place. The drug lord, who is on the hook for the missing drugs. Two other drug runners, one of which is his son who was grieving the loss of his…wife, I think? A cop who’s trying to catch the drug lord. The cop’s trainee? A mother, who is looking for her daughter and the daughter’s friend because the daughter wanted to paint a waterfall that weekend and the mother had other plans so the daughter cut school and the friend did too. The park ranger, a park inspector, and three “teenage hoodlums”.

So what bothered me? First, even for comedic reasons, the three “hoodlums” were a waste. For the story they were given, it was believable, even in a comedy and that took me out of bit. Second, there is a point where the trainee reveals that she was a plant in the cop’s department and she actually works for the drug lord. This angle goes absolutely nowhere. It’s not even a funny reveal nor does it comedically impact the story. Again, useless.

There’s also a couple at the beginning and a pair of EMTs, but they’re there for the body count, in my opinion.
Character: 1 point

Story: The overall story is that a drug runner is stealing the drugs he just picked up for himself. To do this, he throws the drugs out of an airplane and then jumps, I assume, planning to land and retrieve the drugs at a later time. This doesn’t work as the runner dies. The drugs land in the woods and a black bear finds and ingests a LOT of cocaine and goes on a drug-induced murder spree.

After that, it’s the individual story arcs that intertwine throughout the film.

The drug lord is on the hook for the missing drugs. The suppliers want the money they would have otherwise made so the drug needs his drugs back. He sends another running to go find the drug and to take his son with him, who’s grieving and is unwilling to go (but goes anyway).

A single mother is dating and plans to spend the weekend with her boyfriend. This trip would include her young daughter who was looking forward to the previous plan of painting a nearby waterfall in wood with her mom. Upset that her mom changed plans, she skips school and take her friend into the woods to find the waterfall to paint. Mom gets a call from school saying she’s not there and mom goes on a search for her daughter.

A park ranger is getting ready for the park inspector to arrive, but her anticipation is more personal. She sees this as a date and wants alone time but is interrupted when teens come to steal from the shop (the hoodlums) and the mom comes in looking for her kid.

The cop has been investigating the drug lord and realizes he’s on the move because of the missing drugs (and the dead runner).

All the characters interact as their arc crosses one another all while encountering the coked-out black bear out for blood. The interactions align well enough and for a comedy, it’s funny.
Story: 2 points

Ending: The closing scene sees the mom having found both kids alive and well but cornered by the drug lord and the runners who are then cornered by the Cocaine Bear who is protecting her coked-out cubs. Everyone escapes except the drug lord who is attacked by the Cocaine Bear.

It’s Cocaine Bear. There doesn’t need to be much more of an ending than that. I like that they didn’t overdo it.
Ending: 2 points
Enjoyment: 2 points